Dementia Resilience - 2.19.17

Sunday, February 19th

00:30:03

Jill Lorentz originally hails from the great farm country land of Illinois and has lived in Denver since 1984. When her mom was diagnosed with a form of dementia in the early 90's, Jill dedicated her life to learning about the disease, which lead to her career path of working with families and professionals who need assistance in this area as well. Believing caregivers can hold the key to setting the tone of emotional stability for the person with dementia, Dementia Resilience with Jill Lorentz sponsored by Belleview Hieghts Alzheimer’s Special Care Center will take an in depth look at how we can strengthen our techniques, strategies, and even our compassion to help people live with this disease; not to struggle with it. Our show's goal is to have a candid conversation about dementia and its effects on those it touches and to ignore ridiculous talk of a stigma attached to Alzheimer's. Resilience is your ability to adapt well and recover quickly after stress, by overcoming obstacles and adversity to find a positive outcome. People who have a resilient disposition are better able to maintain poise and a healthy level of physical and psychological awareness in the face of life's challenges. This 1/2 hour radio show, Sunday mornings from 10:00 -10:30 will explore avenues of intentional care and finding moments of joy while living with dementia. 

Transcription

Welcome to dementia resilience we chill arrest sponsored by building heights alzheimer's special care center. A candid conversation as we learn about dementia and alzheimer's and it's effects on the people we love. Jill has years of dedication and experience help you adapt to recover and overcome obstacles and help find a positive outcome it's time for dementia resilience within Jill Lawrence. Who welcomed our listeners on this wonderful Sunday. Thank you for coming back convened with emotion today is a very special day. I've got a wonderful guests at these she's also a friend and someone I've come to know. I've tried to tell our listeners how important it is that we don't think of alzheimer's cancer. Stigma. And when we have families that are willing to share their stories like the reagans. Like their broncos' home owners and a Bill Allen mr. Kim. And her husband Glen Campbell were willing to share their story my guest today is willing to share her story with her family is will also welcome Linda neither man. England there have learned this from the Coldwell bankers and camp raid leg as she can't put real estate legacy. And we share something I wish we didn't have to share. Both of our moms. And parents have had this disease. And so to Denny as we talked about this. I was just one in muted and maybe she care what you're likely to parents who is like your mom got the disease first is that early yes my mom. Add stagnate in diagnosis about speed 66. Came and she. She basically you was a housewife. And a mom. Her whole adult life and she was very good at both. Really spent a lot of time on and supporting my dad in his career. And involvement with the National Association of Realtors she did a lot of traveling with him. And so you know issues it gets her passions she loves you know beauty in her clothes and and presenting herself nicely and that's. I know how she is very sweet. Sweet mom that's awesome let's give that beautiful lady and name okay my mom's name is Diana Lil more tunnel Limbaugh. And and it's important that we could face on this yeah because she was your mom and she was that facet nighttime or day and in long before alzheimer's ever touched her brain tissue wasn't alzheimer's she was a person's first yes it's really important you know. Yeah absolutely. Lynn did you know Lyndon that she had some memory issues what was going on. Well actually. Believe it or not my mom asked my dad for a divorce. Right eights. Around that time that he was selling his real estate company which was more and company real estate and it was really not too much after that that she started having some memory problems. And they noticed she would. Give herself reminders with yellow sticky east from my mom and those yellow ST he's would be first saw all of her calendar for desk calendar. In all around the Mir about Verdasco and then all around the cabinets in the kitchen. And unfortunately. You know she gets a point where she directory distinct peace my age. And is nice she to have a lot of appointments she reduced throughout the day and she started missing her appointments. Because she couldn't find her way to the appointment and that must have been scary yeah scary for her scary for me. Luckily she could always find her way home. And you know one time Chua Christmas shopping apartment a small. And Nordstrom in cheeky mountain couldn't find her car anywhere in the parking lot and some may and asked if she needs help and she got in this car and they drove all over the parking lot and still couldn't find her car and he gave her right home. Tom what a good samaritan I wish the world was so trusting today hey you can't really can't tell people that's a safe thing to do and more but sent. He has I said you know next time com means you know just don't get in a car the stranger and so in my picture up there we went back out we found her car but. Things just kept happening and one day she is going to my aunt's house for bridge club. Inch coming about 45 minutes later and she said I hate don't know what happened then they must have canceled rich club obese parent knocked on the door went to the back door. And I just thought to myself uh oh what happened and I said mom which house. And then Nancy's are you act. Well she was at my aunt sold house. Home McCain so IA. Had to talk her through the drive which was not very far to finance current house at the time. And my mom was crying on the phone and she said don't tell anybody this what path and and things just progressed. We get afraid to say something to somebody don't week. We're gonna talk about that in our tip of the day later too because you need a safe place to to share that information someone. Condit she had the disease Dino fourteen years wow. That's a long time she died at age eighty. Home. My mom had a diseases 67 indicted 81 pump so we've had some we have some real similarities saying absolutely. What is what is something that maybe you wish you could have done. With your mom looking back now something you might have done differently with her disease that the way you helped her cope with the disease. Can you think you can ma. I was super supportive for her and you know we went to neurologists together. So when she found out she was diagnosed with alzheimer's which she felt depressed about it. And scared. And we went to a Psycho. Psychologists psychiatrists whatever and she was put on anti depressant. And anti anxiety. Over the years she ended up on many different mats. Of course there except McCain now Amanda which had alzheimer's. Go to prescription madness. And do you think that made her a little more cloudy yes. I absolutely do I think she was medicated. And I you. At that time I was thinking it was alzheimer's but I wish. If I had it to do over. I would cut out the madness and blood it just be the person who I think it might have been helpful. I think it might have been helpful to. You know there's a lot of questions about the different medications and where non medical show so we don't really. Has flooded judgment on that but we certainly know the re direction scale works. As good if not better when someone has this disease who rates. And you also won in two and donate your mom's brain to science but we're not able to do that. So I know I thought they do I thought they'd be thrilled to have someone willing to give. A brain and alzheimer's brain for research. And it was in issues and hospice it was before she diet and I checked into it and I was surprised that I was met with not a direct dancer like gee I don't know let me look and at that my. And the answer was well you can you can have an autopsy done on her brain. But it'll cost you about 101000 dollars how I relate really OK forget it. It's surprising isn't it especially when your willing to do that and it isn't that he didn't have the money or willing to do that but aegis thought that would be nice thing to donate her brain yes or any Reese and people don't really realize that you have to be part of a research study in order to donate your brain to science if you don't it just cost tens of thousands of dollars and he and -- comeback after our break we're gonna talk about your dance diagnosis okay. And how awesome it is that you're willing to share this information we can and much people in the or your family and see your lives especially because. Your dad with his business in viewing your husband Peter. I was camp would you have. Opened homes for people and and help them find their fervor homes and build their lives. And now you're sharing your life with us today and I think our blisters are gonna learn a lot from a and really enjoy hearing what you have to say and sharing your dad's journey. And will be back in just a moment with so after word from our sponsor they'll be heights. Making the decision to place your loved one in the care of others is one of the most difficult decisions you'll ever have to make. If that's Simmons specialist in your life and is meaning memory care W heights is the place to call home. Bellevue heights part of the JEA's senior living family is deeply committed to serving people living with alzheimer's and other related dimensions. Bellevue heights believes that supporting families and caregivers is just as important as caring for our residents we offer free monthly support groups. Education and lecture series and presentations by experts in alzheimer's and dementia care. All of our programs are free and open to the public. Called Bellevue heights at 3036900700. To learn more about the high standard of individualized care. They can offer your left my. And ask the matter current and upcoming education opportunities and support groups. Tell you how it's alzheimer's special care center is located at 14 or 500. East Bellevue avenue in Aurora. Busy JEA's senior living dot com or call 3036900700. To schedule a tour come on to Stanley. Come home to Bellevue heights. Welcome to dementia resilience we chill arrest sponsored by building heights alzheimer's special care center. A candid conversation as we learn about dementia alzheimer's and it's effects on the people we love. Jill has years of dedication and experience help you adapt to recover and overcome obstacles and help find a positive outcome it's time for dementia resilience with the Jill our friends. People are back with Lyndon meter men's. Kern her husband Peter for the current owners of camp with real estate. And he's he's sold it last summer how can he can get that. Division of Berkshire Hathaway. Excellent team have some time to go and have some fun now cut half a ship I love the hat. So your story with your parents didn't end there with your mom announcing my with alzheimer's you had something happen right before she died juices. My dad. After my mom. And dad got divorced. My dad met and married a woman named freed out. And they had it. And you get his Gilmore beyond my dad's Sylmar. And guarantee you know Hugh is big in Denver real estate his whole life. In with his real estate companies as well as with the Denver. Board of realtors Colorado association of realtors and then. He was the president of the National Association of Realtors in 1987. And he's that he's the only person from Colorado who's ever. Held that title toss them so he used during involved in the real estate community. And so. Two months before yeah I'm so nice break two months before my mom died my dad got diagnosed with alzheimer's. And obviously we were noticing problems. It's also getting lost while driving. Another big scene was on because he was basically retired he had a lot of free time. And he was getting on proposition and by people wanting him to invest his money. People calling from the East Coast Florida. And he'd love to be on the phone with them and he did send off quite a bit of money. He and do you think those were scams yes we talked about that molest show I set I think nine and a ten families deal with that by the time they. The diagnosis is made and they realize that money has been mosques. It's not uncommon it happens to a lot of people I'm sorry to hear that men and then where did you go from there. Time and man thinks progressed. We we thought he was just bored maybe. But he would go in and out of the house a million times and many go outside he'd pick up he just spend his time picking little leaves sell off the ground. Or going out to the mailbox to one million times. And it got to the point where you know freedom would tell them do not open the mail is not open the mail because. The only one day she found. Quite a large Shaq it's. That we have to rip the edges off of it on the perforated lines mania gripped the check and it was she found it balled up in a ball. On and in a had to get it reissued luckily achievements audited app and then it just seems things became difficult. And he was just so attached to her so attached to hip. Mom and couldn't stand it when she was away from home and all the questions where's Frito where's trailers for illustrated coming back freed of freed freed a caller nine times. Absolutely anxiety really can take over to him and be tough with your dad being in such high profile position town. How did she shared the diagnosis with him turns. And that that wasn't difficult at all. I didn't feel there was a negative stigma on that and so happy to hear yeah everybody you know I feel like you want the support. And everybody. Who loves him and loves us. Is there for us money and they're very concerned for him. And it was comforting I'm so glad and an Internet. Line of thinking. Why is it isn't so important for you Linda to be so vocal about the journey of your parents and in your family you could have been really quiet about it not. Not really talked about it but you in an advocate for this disease why not what I do like that he notes it help others. Can you know let's get the word out here's what happened here's what I've done. Here's my journey. I have kind of a big group of friends where we've all lost a parent tell alzheimer's. And we're all little nervous for ourselves and we have a little FaceBook group that we share information between each other when we read helpful. Things you know exit might help us that excellence from getting alzheimer's ourselves I love that and then as time came. For both of us when we had to make a choice. About choosing a community. For our loved one I can we both tried home care for a little while with our excellent. What was your feeling on that process what how'd that work for you well it was it was typical because. You want them to stay at home you want them to be in their home comfortable. It's their surroundings. Their loved ones. And Dennett comes. To a point where it's too stressful. On the family members from him and then you get. Judged by other people. Who aren't the ones living or dealing without on a daily basis. And they vocalize their opinions sometimes an artful isn't it yeah. And and so you think you just have to be supported every left on wants to be doing the best for there. The only member went demand Charles timers. And they're doing their past. So. When we came to the point where we wanted to put my dad and knit community community sure. That was hardly started looking at all the different kinds of options. You know residential. Home in a residential neighborhood. That has maybe eight to ten residents there very homey feeling and we looked it. Residential facilities that were brand new absolutely gorgeous. Very nice people it's hard that hard to discern what would be best for your. Your luck I absolutely and sometimes. The prettiest places. May be very busy in don't have a hands on care that you're looking for and sometimes. Different places just ten different levels of care in you needed to find someplace that really figure gets personal preferences didn't you yes yeah it was important and did you find it. Well yes and you know until I met you at an alzheimer's symposium and I think that was the eight the EU came in in my life for reasons. And I hired you bite the page by the hour to go meet my dad. You know give year assessment of them that you did in a very. Brendan. Manner. To my dad so he didn't really know his being assessed and then you went out and look to secure communities you did the research for us for Frieda and meek. And you came up with twos suggests as you said these two I think would be the best for your dad. And we went and looked basically a choice number one and we fell in love with that. Well just happens to be the sponsored the night's three. You know that regardless I mean that's. It was and I just feel so fortunate and lucky. Kid that he ended up there and it was a good fit. Because we found a place that would work with. His likes and dislike granny kiss preferences. And something we called person centered care in we're gonna talk about person centered care. Often on the show. And why it works and why read directions skills work in my opinion. Better than medications and things like that and I am really glad that he's adjusted well to W heights it's a terrific community. And we're grateful that there are sponsor. Mitt dirt there really good at what they do with leaders in dementia care and the way they work with families and years has been no exception. And when we come back after our break we're can have a fun conversation about how he suggested there in something that might surprise Sergio urged. And also how you worked with your daughter in your son. And helped him to adjust to their grandfathers disease. That still seem who he is as a person and their grandpa. And and teach them and to help them work with him with grace and maintain his dignity so we're gonna be back in just a minute after word from our sponsor. Making a decision to place your loved one in the care of others is one of the most difficult decisions you'll ever have to make. If that Simmons specialist in your life and is meaning memory care W heights is the place to call home. Bellevue heights part of the JEA's senior living family is deeply committed to serving people living with alzheimer's and other related dimensions. Deli heights believes that supporting families and caregivers is just as important as caring for our residents we offer free monthly support groups. Education and lecture series and presentations by experts in alzheimer's and dementia care. All of our programs are free and open to the public. Called Bellevue heights at 3036900700. To learn more about the high standard of individualized care. They can offer your loved one. And ask the matter current and upcoming education opportunities and support groups. Well you heights alzheimer's special care center is located at 14500. East Bellevue avenue in Aurora. Is it JEA's senior living dot com or call 3036900700. To schedule a tour come on to Stanley. Come home to Bellevue. Hi it's welcome to dementia resilience could chill arrest sponsored by building heights alzheimer's special care center. A candid conversation as we learn about dementia and alzheimer's and its effects on the people we love. Jill has years of dedication and experience help you adapt to recover and overcome obstacles and help find a positive outcome it's time for dementia resilience with the Jill Lawrence. Can prevent good Linda and we were just talking about your dad moving into Bellevue kite so Vern Aurora our sponsor. And you've had some adjustment time there hasn't necessarily been easy has it the first month is always hard families don't expect that what did you find. Loan we moved him. On July 1 last summer and I eighth Dallas. I will say that was the second worst time of my entire life and arm. You know he had an elite took him in there we sat down we said we're going out for lunch. Which was analyse it we went in and sat down to have lunch freedom myself and my dad and at one point my dad. Realized what was happening. And he put this. His hand on my forearm and said please please don't do this to me he says I love you love you I love you. And it is like everything I could do not cry me. You know trying to have a happy attitude in this is going to be fine and he was surprised that. His belongings were already moved in and in the closet and and then when we had to say goodbye or any it was just the worst. And you have a concern a lot of families path in my doing this twosome right in my did not do it soon enough. Is he going to be able to adjusts. What you all its instant. Yes and it took its definitely taken some time and every time we go visit in out all he talked about was get me out of here get me out of here. And it made it not really that fun to go visit continued that's what you're going to be dealing with and then it's difficult to make your exit. And we've learned some strategies along the way you don't really see good by day and kiss him. He just say I've got to use the restroom. Tiffany. Gil out. And that seemed sounds kind of mean networks. Better for him temporary. Anyway so as a time has gone on he's adjusted and and I what we've heard from the staff there is that. He's much happier than he leads us to believe bright. And that he's you know he's a happy guy there are packed with people on the back and helping them. With whatever they need whether it's the staff or the residents and think she's very well liked our. I think so too and we came up with a few plans for him. We gave you met state credit cards so he they would tell him in the lunchroom that he was paying for lunch for all the people that were sitting in their they were clients of his or potential clients of his and he would. Write the check in and everybody would cheer him for paying for lunch. And that was really thought that he gave you purchase you get hurt us ten careful if and that's not only backlash but. It being a wonderful. Wonderful gentleman that he is. Who always looks. So stately and so handsome piano and as he comes down the hallway he's a charmer. Yeah and so you have a little bit of a surprise recently didn't see. Yes we have you thought we found out that he's made it very. Close friends. 00 and a man that they've taken a liking to each other and luckily my step mom Frida is she's very. Grade about the whole situation and she knows this isn't who he is in his score but we feel. Happy for him it he has a companion. And he's never ever liked being alone in that in his own home even for an hour. And so we notices you know he kind of needs that one on one person and and I think it's helped Camelot. I think it's healthy and it just goes to show that there is life after alzheimer's. The temporal lobe that holds your emotions stays longer probably than anything also warning loves feeling the love liking hugs and kisses. We've seen over and over that it it remains. And I actually think it's it's really joyful Sandra Day O'Connor went to the same thing when her husband moved into community he fell in love with someone help couples hey and she had to lift that. That I that's a hopeful took families that they can still find joy they can still find happiness they can still find contentment and quality of life and dignity. Through this journey I just think that's amazing. And I appreciate you sharing network share one other thing. Your your daughter Nicole wrote me a letter and talk to me about her experience and really she just wanted it to be a little bit cathartic and to say this is how I'm dealing with my grandfather and my working with him in the right way I'd like to go and maybe teach some art classes and and not just see him that visit with other people she's young she's a college student and she wants to spend time with people with alzheimer's. I think you and Peter and treated gave that to her son is gonna give you major kudos. For the grace that you have instilled in your children. Two is still want to be with their grandfather and still wanna spend time with him and hand find joy with him and in things like that she likes working proposals with him she was talking about how when she goes and sits down at lunch with him he sometimes gets quiet and it was very astute to realize that if she's talking about current issues with her school on things like that that he can't called conversations so she wouldn't turn it back around to something in his childhood or something in his work life and be able to share that time with him. Be with him where he hit us and that comes from a parent's love. And that comes from all your years of of your time with your mom in with your dad and I just love that I just have to say kudos to you through that. As we are wrapping up the show today I just want you to know that. And next week is going to be alive show we're going to have did you a division chief from wheat which police command I told our viewers that we were going to have a conversation about taking the car keys away when. It comes time and it's a privilege it's not just something he should have been and what happens if a person gets pulled over that that has alzheimer's or how. Police officers respond. To a person when they come on a domestic call on the person has alzheimer's the last place a person with alzheimer's should be is in jail. And Denver Police Department has worked very very hard to have all their officers trained 14100 of them in alzheimer's critical incident training. They've learned a few things over the years and some things that have gone wrong and they're trying new things and though we urged police has. Always trained their staff in this area. So our tip for the day. I'm sure this Fatima slim that we talked about. How we could maybe have a friend that week could tell our deepest darkest secret that maybe we can't. We didn't find their way home or we went to the cabinet who we need to go to the refrigerator. Or we can't remember someone's name and it's important to have someone. That you can share your feelings with that will be safe I don't think a lot of people with alzheimer's think about that. They don't want people that they were quick to note that maybe having problems they don't one people that. Our family members to know they're having problems and maybe not having problems may be we just tapped to be able to say hey I'm a little bit scared. Talk with me for a minute talking up Douglas. Right in the school name. So Jillian and I have sort of made that little pack we have made an hour it's tough. Pins that are we guess we can trust each other we can talk to each other and they don't be scared that's just fine you just on information overload. But I think that's great night's series cheaper that thank you from being with us and sharing your story today. And I look forward to seeing all of you next week we have that live show and thank you to W heights or sponsor if you need more information look at the crews and web site 14:30. AM more summit resilience training dot com you can find our podcast Hank puts them on here every week for us you can listen to the masters to show was over if you need to go back and research some of that information. And call me if you need assistance 303. 999196. Once again 3039991961. You will see you next Sunday with more information on. Dementia resilience and chiller and take care have a great weekend. You've been listening to dementia resilience would still horrendous sponsored by build your rights alzheimer's special care center. Visit the website at summit resilience training dot com to learn more. And join us next week as we learn more about dementia alzheimer's and overcoming obstacles with a positive outcome see you next